Kalifornia Kat vs. 'Bama Boy: A Musical Meltdown

Our 2 finalists,
in a relaxed,
candid moment




THE FIRST ROUND
Katharine McPhee: Beautiful, radiant Kat was wise to (a) open with one of the catchiest and more contemporary songs from shows past Black Horse & the Cherry Tree; and (b) sing it this time while standing up. As before, she got a novelty coolness-factor boost by the flanking beat box players. Sexy, confident, nice. Simon calls it a warm-up, and although I loved it just fine, I have to agree. I’ll score it a 7.

Taylor Hicks: Taylor won the pre-show toss-up that allowed him to decide to go second -- a brilliant choice, since it puts him in position to close the show. He also chose his first song wisely, Stevie Wonder's upbeat Living For the City. Like last week, Taylor ain’t messing around -- he’s here to win this danged thing, strutting the stage in a fuchsia/purple velour jacket, and pretty much nailing the performance. Is it my imagination, or was Taylor smiling a real, relaxed, serious smile tonight -- not the toothy goofy one he usually flashes? The judges were happy, but I'm concerned for Paula -- she's under the impression that her striped dress matches Taylor’s solid colored jacket. But as Simon said “what do I know?” Score Hicks a 9 for this round.


THE SECOND ROUND
Kat: I was ready to say that if you were as impressed as the judges were last week at her performance of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, then perhaps you haven’t been paying attention all season --her Someone to Watch Over Me and I Have Nothing (which they hated) a few weeks ago were both easily as good. But Katharine actually turned my head around tonight with her redux performance of Rainbow, making me agree with Mr. Cowell that it was probably her best yet. Simon was also careful to spin the dynamic of tonight’s show for optimal drama: accordingly, round 1 goes to Taylor, round 2 to Kat, and round 3 is to have us on the edge of our seats.

Summary from Randy Jackson: For me, yo listen checkitoutcheckitoutcheckit out. For me, yo, listen. For me, listenlisten, checkitoutcheckitout. Checkitoutcheckitoutcheckitout. For me, yo, blah, blah, blah…then you worked it out. For me.
OK, yes, thank you very much, doggy-dog, whatever you just said.

Taylor: Elton John has said that in the period that he recorded “Levon” he was trying to sound like he was from the American South, so the song is perhaps an ironically fitting choice for Birmingham Alabama’s favorite son, his mediocre performance notwithstanding. You know, everyone made a big deal out of Katharine’s minor lyric flub a couple of weeks ago, which happened on the same evening that Taylor messed up a line from You Are So Beautiful (which no one noticed). I predict that again no one will notice that he sang “with tradition in a family plan,” transposing “with” and “in.” You read it here first, Idol fans. And yes, Randy, it was pitchy. But as Paula explained, pitchiness is the essence of Taylor. You gotta love that comment. Paula just earned her six figures. And so Simon gave round 2 to Kat.



THE TURD ROUND
EXCLUSIVE: Intercepted Communiqué to American Idol Staff Songwriter(s) - April, 2006:
Directive: for the evening of May 23, 2006, the producers of American Idol will require two crappy, formulaic, sickeningly sappy, non-creative, boring, disgustingly insipid, poorly written songs roughly based on Kelly Clarkson’s first single “On a Moment Like This,” except nowhere near as good even as that. [Song A] The song written for Katharine McPhee (should she wind up in the finals) must be in a key in which it is inherently difficult for her to sing and in spite of that this will be deemed to be her first single. [Song B] The song written for Taylor Hicks (should he wind up in the finals) should be equally as crapadocious, and equally out of his key and difficult to sing, especially while dancing the Funky Broadway, and will likewise saddle him as his first single, like it or not.

Hey, remember that audition round where Simon asked a girl if she had a voice coach (yes) and a lawyer (no), and then advised that she get a lawyer, to sue her voice coach? That reminds me of this particular moment, when everyone involved with American Idol should be chomping at the bit to get a lawyer to sue the songwriter responsible for the "first singles" from our poor unsuspecting finalists. At the very minimum, perhaps they could stop payment on the commision check.

It is very important to state clearly at this juncture that the the song My Destiny which was apparently written by tortured and/or starved retarded primates who were focus-group-tested to ensure a nauseous reaction from any and all demographic groups, must be destroyed. And by that I mean that all evidence that this song was ever written must be shredded, and then burned, and the ashes then shredded again. All recordings of this song by Katharine McPhee (on audio or video tape) must be magnetically erased, and the tapes must be shredded, and burned, and then shredded again. If the recordings are digital, the hard drives must be incinerated, and then buried, or preferably, placed in a space-bound rocket fitted with a self-destructive detonated nuclear device. All of this, of course, will preclude the song being released as a single.

Kat: the song itself is so bad (did you guess that?), that it is really difficult to separate it from the perfomance. I wouldn’t wish this song on anyone, let alone my favorite finalist in American Idol. Actually, the song really isn't that bad, except for the lyrics -- and the melody. And the money-grubbing record company mentality that inspired it. Oh my god, was Katharine robbed, or what? If there was a communist plot to stop her from winning, My Destiny would prominently figure into it. For the first time in the 5 year history of the show, I agreed with Randy, who said (in the understatement of the century) that the singer was better than the song. Since the songwriter is on the show’s payroll, I am guessing that even that comment from him was a little risky. So Amen, Dawg. I can't comment at all -- I am feeling very queasy right now.

Dang, Kat -- I guess you should have played the cleavage card or something-- how in the hell are you supposed to win now?

Taylor: It was some consolation then that Taylor's turd song called Do I Make You Proud?, was equally as (if not more) vomit-inducing, and lots of money could be saved if all the tapes for this one could also ride on the same exploding rocket ship as My Destiny. If either of them are ever played on the radio, I will guarantee that it will be a one-time occurrence and we will never hear of them again, because the public outcry against their suckiness will obliterate them from the commerical radio landscape. May we never hear those 2 songs or their titles ever again. If their “songwriter(s)” could please be given a ticket on that same rocket ride, it would be all the more sweet. Oh, and by the way, whoever decided to have a Fantasia-esque robed gospel choir on stage for both of those pieces of shite -- can they also please board that same ship, and/or be relocated to Maine and entered into a witness protection program? You can send the choir up there, too. Have I made my point? Jeez.

Well, at least Taylor was able to work in a couple of his signature emphatic fist clenches on his turd song, which wouldn’t have worked with Kat’s 'song.' So he is a half-point up on her, in my book.

Simon (who rejected Taylor in the first audition and has never completely accepted him all season) sort of congratulated himself, and Taylor, for winning. We shall see, sha'nt we?

Good Gone

Open the doors of opportunity to talent and virtue and they will do themselves justice, and property will not be in bad hands.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson



What may have begun for me as a piqued musical curiosity about the diminutive not-so-fortunate-looking Boston auditioner called Elliott Yamin soon developed into a undeniable recognition of an extraordinary level of vocal talent. That recognition in time turned into a real appreciation, which developed into a great admiration and enjoyment of his voice, which turned into fanatic support, which developed into love, which turned into a more profound appreciation that went deeper than mere love of his voice, but a fondness for him as a human being which enhanced my appreciation of his talent, which turned into a realization that nothing less than American Idolhood would be acceptable for him. No one else in five seasons of the show has deserved this little victory as much as Elliott Yamin, an obviously humble, loving, kind person who has clearly never let one moment of this experience go to his head and has appreciated every second of this journey toward his manifest destiny of greatness. This is a guy who unapologetically loves his mother, who is easily moved to tears, once when overwhelmed by the honor of meeting Stevie Wonder -- this is a guy who has a unique ability to open his mouth to sing, and by doing so give Music itself a good name, and make me feel fine while doing it. A guy who embodies what an American Idol should be, and could be. This is a good soul, a good singer, a good guy.

This is a beginning, Elliott Yamin. Yeah!
Amen.

Three to Get Ready - Now Who WIll Go?

Clive Davis







Yes, I have my 2 favorites -- I really have made no secret of it. But I can and will be objective. In fact, I’m here to report (somewhat sadly) that the contestant who fired on all 3 cylinders tonight -- the overall best -- is the one I wanted most to find fault with -- Taylor Hicks. If however, it would be somehow possible to correlate vote loss with the number of times he annoyed both the home and studio audience by shouting “Soul Patrol,” then Taylor would definitely be Alabamy bound this week.

We all know the deal with tonight's song selections: One Clive Davis choice, one A.I. judge choice, and one contestant’s own choice. So who was blowing & who is going?

CLIVE’S ROUND
Elliott Yamin: Journey’s Open Arms - Oddly, this was my favorite of Elliott’s 3 performances tonight, in spite of the fact that I don’t like the song and despise Journey. Good song choice for Elliot, perfect performance. The judges weren’t so thrilled.

Kat McPhee: Beautiful in sky blue, Kat performed a flawless rendition of R. Kelly’s I Believe I Can Fly, and I do. Tragically, a studio light did not fall directly on Randy’s head and fatally wound him while speaking when he reached into his little bag of fecal matter and pulled out that “you’re not good enough to sing R. Kelly” comment. So much for the power of prayer and positive thinking. Paula disliked it so much, she was speechless, I think for the first time ever. Simon brought us all back down to earth with his sanity & wisdom, rightfully disagreeing with Dawghead, and praising our girl.

Taylor Hicks: Whew! Taylor removed his head out from Clive Davis' whazoo just in time to get up there and take his turn. And no, Randy -- he did not deserve praise for having fun up there (as evidenced by Hicks' move to pull Paula up to dance). That was not having fun, that was a blatent yet savvy attempt to imitate The Boss -- you know, from the video, when he pulled then-unknown Courtney Cox onstage while singing the same song (Dancing In The Dark). Regardless, it was the right song for Hicks, and he brought it. As for the dancing, Taylor would be wise not to enlist professional choreographers to do the Funky Broadway with him. Now that I think about it, Taylor may have learned some of his best moves from Courtney in that video.

A.I. JUDGES’ ROUND
Elliott: Paula chose Bobby Caldwell’s What You Would Do For Love, which (on paper, at least) would seem a perfect fit for El’s talents. I do like the song, and what I liked about the performance was that El was not content to repeat the well-known smooth phrasing of the original -- and instead, as always, jazzified and Elliottized it. Still, not one of my favorite Yamin presentations, but Simon delivered some moderate praise, which pleases me more.

Katharine: Kat was back on the floor again this week to deliver Simon’s choice Somewhere Over the Rainbow (has she been studying the old Fantasia Summertime video or something?), and I was feeling her pressure. Don't forget, she just squeaked by last Wednesday night, and tonight Simon was setting her up for either a grand triumph or dismal failure with this somewhat anthemic standard. The unfamiliar a capella intro was worrisome, but proved to be part of a buildup to a smashing and satisfying cresendo, which left all 3 judges cheering. Happy little bluebirds are singing; and somewhere, perhaps nowhere near a rainbow, Kimberly Locke is throwing something at her television.

Taylor: I was ready to dislike this one (You Are So Beautiful), expecting a shameless Joe Cocker impersonation [and Cocker himself was a living shameless Ray Charles impersonation]. Taylor surprised me again with a well Taylorized money-on version of his own, nuanced and powerful. I was happy to see him avoid the octave-up jump on the last note, which practically ruined the profoundly less sober cracked Cocker version. The judges are in love with Taylor again.

CONTESTANTS’ ROUND
Elliott: My man delivered a spirited version of I Believe To My Soul, a rather deservedly lesser-known Ray Charles song (the Donny Hathaway version), but for the first time in recent memory, I was not love-love-lovin' it. I was looking for a “blow 'em away” from Elliott, and this song and this performance was not the one to do it. Simon layed down a thinly-veiled prediction that Elliott will lose this week, but assured him that “Mum will be proud,” a Cowell way of politely saying "don't let the door bump your little bum on your way out, mate."

Katharine: Ain’t Got Nothin’ But the Blues was delivered pretty solidly as far as I’m concerned, cute little black dress or no cute little black dress (and I would have preferred the latter). Oh no, not again -- Randy trotted out the “you aren’t good enough to sing an Ella song” monkeypoop. Where are those falling stage lights when you need them? Simon called her performance OK and said she had taken one step back after 5 steps forward. I've done the math and that's 4 steps forward, which is enough of a compliment for me.

Taylor: Dang him if he just didn’t go and pick the best song he could have possibly chosen to sing - the Otis Redding version of Try A Little Tenderness (a song that goes back further than Otis). And dang it if he didn’t just go and sing it perfectly, while looking snappy in a fine black suit and white shirt. And I don’t care what Simon said about the ending being “hideous,” the cameras could barely keep up with Taylor on this one as he worked that stage for all it was worth. The man was playing to win, and Simon ultimately hinted that he will get that chance next week (in his second thinly-veiled prediction of the evening). I'd like to take the opportunity here to give Otis Redding and this song props, and say that even Kevin Covais could have delivered a halfway satisfying version. Okay, forgive the hyperbole, but Otis Redding was good, that's all I'm saying.

Where does that leave us?
I think prediction is a fool’s game. Having said that, I am leaning toward agreeing with Simon Cowell, who now seems to think we are facing a Katharine vs. Taylor match next week. And may the best woman win.

We’re going to miss you, Elliott, and I mean that.

Top 3 Under The Blather Microscope: A Pre-Show Exclusive

So what is an American Idol, anyway?

Since it began in 2002, American Idol has given the world only one certified superstar, Kelly Clarkson [with two best-selling CDs and two Grammy Awards], one formidable R&B chart star, Fantasia Barrino, and a handful of players from each season who have achieved moderate success in some corner of show business, however dusty. What exactly is going on here? -- what are we looking for in an "American Idol?" That is bound to remain a rhetorical question -- each of us seems to bring his own definition to the table. Last year's season piqued new interest because it held the promise of delivering a 'rocker' Idol rather than a pop star, and ultimately gave us a rather bland country artist, Carrie Underwood -- who knew? A closer look reveals that Season Five's "Top 3" hopefuls are arguably as unlikely a bunch to fulfill the elusive benchmark Idol definition [I know Simon Cowell has one] as any who have come before them. As last week's unforseeable departure of favorite Chris Daughtry demonstrates, each of the remaining three has a real shot at winning. Let's go there, in no particular order:


Elliott Yamin
Profile: 5'2'' 27-year-old Richmond, VA native has no formal training as a singer, and in fact had very little previous experience on stage at all. He officially lists his favorite musical artists as Alicia Keys, Gwen Stefani and Usher. Elliott as some experience and local renown in Richmond as a radio DJ known as E-dub. Infamously, he is a diabetic who is mostly deaf in one ear, and is Jewish. He lists his Mom as his hero. He was once called something like "the best singer in five seasons of American Idol contestants" by Simon Cowell, on the program.

What's working for Elliot:
Elliott is a singer's singer, a versatile vocalist whose musical influences are obviously on the soulful, jazzy end of the spectrum. His performances and uncannily well-suited song choices have been consistently strong throughout the season. He brings the "Everyman" package to the table -- the not-so-tall-and-handsome guy who just happens to be a very talented singer. There is no doubt that he has been and still is the true underdog in this competition, which has and can continue to work in his favor. The crowning of Elliott Yamin as this year's American Idol (against all odds) would effectively challenge (if not destroy) the show's fundemental paradigm -- that the show makes the star -- and revert us to the old school paradigm -- that the cream rises to the top -- that true talent cannot be denied, triumphs over all, and can make a star out of anyone.

What's working against Elliott:
Right or wrong, for better or worse, Elliott is somewhat physically challenged as a pop star. In the world of legitimate music (jazz, for example), musical talent overrules all other considerations, such as the artist's looks. Unfortunately, in the world of "pop," sometimes looks can make or break you. Also, some dislike the vibrato quality in his voice.

Songs:
Wed, Feb. 22 “If You Really Love Me”
Wed, Mar. 1 “Moody's Mood for Love”
Wed, Mar. 8 “Heaven”
Tue, Mar. 14 “Knocks Me Off My Feet”
Tue, Mar. 21 “Teach Me Tonight”
Tue, Mar. 28 “I Don't Want to Be”
Tue, Apr. 4 “If Tomorrow Never Comes”
Tue, Apr. 11 “Somebody to Love”
Tue, Apr. 18 “It Had to Be You”
Tue, Apr. 25 “A Song For You”
Tue, May. 2 “On Broadway”
Tue, May. 2 “Home”
Tue, May. 9 “If I Can Dream”
Tue, May. 9 “Trouble”


Katharine McPhee
Profile: This left-handed, hazel-eyed, suburban Los Angeles native turned 22 on March 25 of this year, and is the daughter of singer and vocal coach Peisha McPhee [who has released her own CD as a singer and has her own web site]. Kat attended the Boston Conservatory for one semester, as a musical theatre major . Notably, Katharine played the lead in an LA production of Annie Get Your Gun, and was nominated for an Ovation Award for "Lead Actress in a Musical" for the role. Favorite singers include Whitney Houston and Brian McKnight. Auditioned for American Idol in San Francisco, singing "God Bless The Child." Her middle name is Hope, and she has a dog named Lily. Notably much younger and more feminine than her two competitors.

What's working for Katharine:
She is (depending on your interpretation) cute, beautiful, and/or sexy; easy on the eyes, all of which contribute to a stage presence which can easily translate to "star quality." She has a seasoned voice and confident singing style, which in her intitial pre-Hollywood audition was described by Simon as "very current sounding." Although she is obviously most comfortable with ballads and jazz standards, she successfully avoids old-fashionedness by dosing her performances liberally with the brand of contemporary vocal runs and phrasings typified by some of her own favorite singers, such as Whitney Houston and Christina Aguilera. This 'whole package' well-roundedness could land her in the approximate vicinity of the Kelly Clarkson pop star camp.

What's working against Katharine:
Katharine is clearly not in her comfort zone when she is singing anything resembling a "rock" song -- and some people find ballads a little less compelling. Some find her almost dorky perkiness a poor substitute for a 'real personality' [but hey, last year's winner couldn't even conjure 'perky']. It could be argued that Kat's particular brand of talent may be better suited for Broadway than for radio hit success, which if true, would be counter to the best interests of the show's producers (who stand to make a lot of money from the winner's future record sales).

Songs:
Tue, Feb. 21 “Since I Fell For You”
Tue, Feb. 28 “All in Love is Fair”
Tue, Mar. 7 “Think”
Tue, Mar. 14 “Until You Come Back to Me”
Tue, Mar. 21 “Come Rain or Come Shine”
Tue, Mar. 28 “The Voice Within”
Tue, Apr. 4 “Bringing Out the Elvis”
Tue, Apr. 11 “Who Wants to Live Forever”
Tue, Apr. 18 “Someone to Watch Over Me”
Tue, Apr. 25 “I Have Nothing”
Tue, May. 2 “Against All Odds”
Tue, May. 2 “Black Horse and Cherry Tree”
Tue, May. 9 “Hound Dog/All Shook Up”
Tue, May. 9 “Can't Help Falling in Love”


Taylor Hicks
Profile: 29-year old Birmingham, Alabama son of a dentist entered the competition at the top of the official age threshold (28), and claims to have been singing almost since birth. He lists Ray Charles, Sam Cooke, Otis Redding, Van Morrison, Bob Seger and Cyndi Lauper as some of his favorite musical artists. Formed the Passing Through Band during the short time he studied at Auburn University as a Business, Communications & Marketing major. Taylor plays guitar & harmonica and write songs.

What's working for Taylor:
As a performer, Taylor has the ability to engage an audience with the sheer passion he brings to the stage. Audiences generally react favorably to performers who are clearly enjoying themselves (are you listening, recently departed?), and Taylor fills that particular bill. If nothing else, his musical heart is clearly in the right place, as he channels his R&B heroes and brings a generally unprecedented roots-rock sensibility to American Idol. Most notably, Taylor never suffered an appearance in the "bottom 3" this season, and seems to have a prodigious and manically loyal fan base.

What's working against Taylor:
Although he is able to put a personal spin on songs he performs, his musical schtick exists within a narrow window of material that he can successfully "Taylorize," that is to say, he is not so versatile. To boot, frequent off-pitchness is one of his more noticable liabilities as a vocalist -- you could argue that Taylor's equal (or better) could be found in any number of blues clubs across the country in less time than you can say "Soul Patrol." He may be aware of that himself, which would account for the fact that he always seems to be working just a little too hard. What some people find "engaging" about him others might call "annoying" -- some feel that his onstage moves are awkward or just plain embarrassing. His look and style may recall Michael McDonald, but (a) that's not necessarily a good thing; and (b) Michael McDonald is an infinitely better singer, by anyone's standards.

Songs:
Wed, Feb. 22 “Levon”
Wed, Mar. 1 “Easy”
Wed, Mar. 8 “Taking it to the Streets”
Tue, Mar. 14 “Living for the City”
Tue, Mar. 21 “Not Fade Away”
Tue, Mar. 28 “Trouble”
Tue, Apr. 4 “Take Me Home, Country Roads”
Tue, Apr. 11 “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”
Tue, Apr. 18 “You Send Me”
Tue, Apr. 25 “Just Once”
Tue, May. 2 “Play That Funky Music”
Tue, May. 2 “Something”
Tue, May. 9 “Jailhouse Rock”
Tue, May. 9 “In The Ghetto”


Institutional Tidbits:

• Simon Cowell is the [officially noted] favorite judge of all three remaining contestants
• American Idol was created by three Simons: Cowell, Fuller, and Jones.
• The parent company of American Idol's production company Fremantle North America owns half of Sony BMG, which in turn owns many recording labels.
• Among other accomplishments, the show's 3 directors are known for directing (respectively), Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody video, the TV series Survivor, and Gladiators.
• It is likely not a coincidence that the American Idol logo closely resembles the Ford logo

Idol Pinch #10

Kat scratch McPheever!

Peanut Butter & Fried Bologna: Top 4 Go To Graceland

Hey, but you were always on my mind, really…


SPECIAL “ON LOCATION” EDITION
No, sorry -- we didn’t make it to Graceland to get an up-close and personal look at the bullet hole in The King’s TV screen, or that large bee-sting swelling just below Priscilla’s nose and above her chin. But anyway, perhaps both of these can be repaired soon with the royalties garnered from tonight’s Elvis Presley licensing mega-deal.

As many of you know, Idol Blather originates from the greater Greensboro, NC area, where Chris Daughtry makes his home and works, when he’s not in Hollywood making Ford commercials and eating calamari. And where do the hardest of hard-core Greensboro Daughtry-ites go every Tuesday night at 8:00 to watch him on American Idol? No, silly -- it’s too early to head back to their trailers! They congregate en masse to Chris-worship on giant screen TVs with a 150-decibel stereo PA system, where the $2 Newcastles are flowing and the hot wings are winging -- at Hugo’s, to be precise, on Spring Garden Street in Greensboro. Regular readers also know that Chris (who I often dub “homeboy” in the blog) has never been at the top of my favorites list, but I always give him credit wherever & whenever it is due. I will own up right now to the fact that Chris is a stand-up guy, even when he is sitting down. But seriously, he is an undeniable talent who seems to have hung on to some humility on this long crazy ride -- and I do appreciate that in an American Idol wannabe [see Elliott Yamin for the official benchmark on this issue]. And more importantly, Chris Daughtry the favorite to win the entire shooting match, according to every oddsmaker in the universe, and that is significant at this juncture. You can believe these odds or not; but either way, you can bet your sideburns he’ll be back for at least 2 more Tuesday shows.

What with only 4 idol-wannabes left, it's become a challenge to keep the blather interesting. So I have raised the excitement quotient (whoo-hoo!) by taking it out on the road tonight -- on location at the aforementioned Hugo’s, which has been hosting a gala Tuesday night Daughtry-thon for several weeks now. Always in attendance: the hosts, local broadcasters Neil Whicker, Julie Kaye & Skip the Prize Guy from 98.7 Simon FM radio, and in the audience, Wayne & his wife (sorry, didn’t catch the surname), AKA Chris Daughtry’s parent-in-laws. Yes, they live here -- but they’re actually from the Boston area; so a conversation with Wayne is something like talking to Cliff at Cheers -- but more about that later. Tonight's first impression: parked outside the front door at Hugo’s was a big white truck with a sign mounted on the roof reading “Official Nascar Member Club Local Number 274061 Supports Our American Idol Chris Daughtry.” So I supposed I was in for something interesting.

I positioned myself in a part of the semi-cavernous club I would describe as the “living room” section at around 7:45, and settled in to catch some of 98.7’s pre-show banter. Watching an episode of American Idol in a room filled with a couple hundred rabid Daughtry fans was part experimental adventure, part anthropological study, and all in all, a pretty good time. At Chris’s first brief appearance onscreen, stepping out of a car at Graceland, the crowd went beserk. I began to wonder if I was going to be able to catch any audio on this show. I was happily surprised that the sufficiently amplified sound level cut through much of the Hugo's crowd noise. And speaking of cutting, let’s cut to the chase:

Taylor Hicks - If ever there was a theme hand-picked for Taylor Hicks, this one is it. His rendition of Jailhouse Rock was charismatic and effortless. He looked good as he moved through the crowd in a snazzy new brown suit. But…I won’t let him off that easily. Once again, this is straightforward rock-n-roll, not the sort of song to showcase vocal talent -- in other words, he was able to sleepwalk through it, as he seemingly rocked the house. Like me, Simon was underimpressed.

Chris Daughtry - It was happily appropriate (for me) to witness Chris at his vocal best in this venue, surrounded by his loving peeps. But let me keep this real: this actually may have been my favorite Daughtry performance of the year, which included a well-timed but somewhat cheesy removal of shades in mid-song). A great song (Suspicious Minds) done really, really well, and a spot-on-the-money brilliant song selection for Elvis night. Chris is a shoe-in, so he didn’t necessarily need a triumph here, but this was one. The Hugo's crowd went absolutely bananas after this one (need I tell you?), and likewise again after all 3 judges gave their thumbs up.

Elliott Yamin - As I always enjoy pointing out, Elliott’s performances are a notch above the rest before he even begins, because he always presents himself with a huge vocal challenge in his selections-- songs that require carefully measured doses of power and nuance. And as always, he absolutely delivered it on If I Can Dream, The King’s famous concert show-closing tune. My heart was warmed to hear a large and rather surprising positive reaction from many in Hugo's Daughtry throng when Elliott finished up. Lot’s of spontaneous whoo’s, and even some applause. That's right, the Daughtry Gang was applauding Elliot. The moral here: Believe in Elliott Yamin. He is still capable of wrapping up Season 5 in a big package and taking it home.

Kat McPhee - McPheever is a powerful thing. Objectivity on my longtime favorite girl is generally difficult to conjure. And while I cannot criticize the essence of her performance of Hound Dog/All Shook Up, I was disppointed that it was not the grand slam she needed at this stage of the game. The competition is tough, and (as the judges pointed out), being the only girl on Elvis night is an inherent disadvantage. Yes, the mini-medley was infectious; yes, she was energetic & loose, and was clearly having fun. But Kat fares best when she can show off her extraordinary voice with more subtle material, and this performance was not predestined to acheive that for her. But I should note that a large Kat contingency behind me shouted out their appreciation loudly.
2 other cents: Simon Cowell is making a very conspicuous effort to steer voting toward keeping this one in or running that one out. In this critical hour, it became apparent that Simon has abandoned Kat for Elliott, i.e. who he wants to put up against Chris (or Taylor) in the finals. Someone has to go, and Simon has [apparently] officially decided that it should be Katharine. My own opinion is that it should be Taylor, whose brand of vocal talent is on a much lower plane than that of Kat or Elliott. But Taylor has an invisible shield around him apparently impervious to bad song choices, mediocre singing, ridiculous dancing, and green kryptonite.

Taylor Hicks - In the Ghetto, maudlin tear-jerker that it is, was (as the judges concur) a masterful song selection for Taylor, and he pulled it off fairly well. No smiling, no dancing, no Joe Cockerization. Just plain old poke-salad-balladizing. All three judges lit up like fireflies on an Alabama summer night.

Chris Daughtry - AHHHHHHGGGGGG!!!! WHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!!! SCREEEEEEEEAAAAAAM!!!!!!!!! The crowd carried on loudly through most of the pre-song Tommy Mottola discussion, and didn’t settle down till Chris begain wailing on A Little Less Conversation. Lest you think this gonzo crowd has unfairly swayed me in Daughtry’s direction tonight, allow me to set the record straight. This performance was as not-so-good as his first one was good. Chris was back in his droney lower register -- and to make matters worse, this song literally has no more than one octave of range, at most. In other words, he had to sing only about 6 or 7 different notes to get through the song. Simon & I agree again -- “just OK,” and “flat.” Oh, booooooooo, mean Simon!

Elliott “Amerian Idol” Yamin - (Trouble) I’m just going to hand this call over to all three judges: Randy: “Your best performance ever;” Paula: “Your previous performance was second only to this one, which was your best performance ever;” and Simon: “Based on that performance, you deserve to go to the next round.” Amen, Yamin. I'm happy for E-dub, but is this a conspiracy or what?

Kat McPhee - The radiant and captivating Katharine continued her long tradition of choosing favorite songs of mine, and delivered the beautiful I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You. This is a deceptively difficult song to sing well, and I believe she pulled it off, and even took it up a notch in mid-song with a challengingly high key modulation. But once again, she needed to shock & awe America; to blow us all away tonight -- and I don't think that happened. She is perennially golden, but I’m still worried that Elvis Night is a Man’s Man’s World. Simon (see previous Kat song discussion) is ready to put her on a bus back to Sherman Oaks. And I'd be ready for that, too, but only if she'd agree to share a seat, and sit on my lap. What, is that asking too much? I should note that cell phone voting (for Chris, of course) began in Hugo's while Kat was still in mid-song, crooning “…some things are meant to be…” By 9:03 it was announced that someone in the crowd had already voted 40 times for Daughtry -- and everyone else there seemed to be working on doing the same.

As I left Hugo's, I met and chatted with Wayne (Chris’ father-in-law), a true salt-of-the-earth kind of guy, a gregarious storyteller, a Red Sox fan, who hugged me and fake-cheek-kissed me when I told him I was from Massachusetts (which is true). I told him about my blog, and I had to admit to him that I am not always so big on Chris Daughtry. And he had to admit the same to me. I liked Wayne.

Tonight, the voting phone numbers are answered by recordings of the contestants themselves (why didn't they think of that sooner?); but as always, it was nearly impossible to get through.

Idol Pinch #9

VOTE
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YAMIN IT!

Top 5: Special Haiku Edition

Devon Aoki




Tonight, inexplicably, I trade in my journalist's cap (do they wear caps?) for a poet's brush (which looks sort of odd on my head), as I recap the Top 5 program via the ancient Japanese form of Haiku.

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's blog, in exactly 85 syllables [well, not counting the names]:

Top 6 Leave the Gun and Take the Cannoli

Andrea Bocelli



I have no idea what the headline means, but like tonight's guest Andrea Bocelli, it’s a ridiculous Italian reference for American Idol. Along with producer/evil taskmaster David Foster (who as a critic makes Simon Cowell look like Paula Abdul), Bocelli ushered in a theme of “Love Songs.” Or as I prefer to look at it, a night that holds the sweet promise of putting Kellie Pickler one step closer to her old job, manning the pump handle on Grandpa’s moonshine still. And by the way, why is it that Randy and Paula can wax on with their little "judgements," but it is considered acceptable to rudely interrupt and criticize Simon when it is his rightful turn to speak? Same goes for Seacrest and his never-ending little Cowell-barbs. Simon is good, but everybody else is making him look even better.

Cominciamo:
Katharine McPhee - Kat committed the Mortal Sin that no one in 5 seasons of A.I. has ever been able to get away with and lived to escape the judge’s fury: she dared to sing a WHITNEY song!!! No matter that she nailed it to the wall as she simultaneously blew the friggin’ roof off the place. I guess she compounded her Sin by having the added audacity to be even more shimmeringly sensuous and shockingly lovely than ever while committing it. Perhaps she should have tried disarming the judges after the song with a couple of down-home malapropisms -- it usually works for Pickler. Was Kat as good as Whitney? Who cares? Why bother to make the comparison? She sang the song because she could -- because she possesses that rare level of vocal talent that allows her to tackle such songs in the first place. Kat was on stage tonight, delivering. Where is your Whitney Houston?
Unfortunately for Kat, and just like Whitney, tonight all three judges were on crack. Score: Kat on fire. Judges on crack.

Elliott Yamin - I’ve been trying to preach it now for something like 10 or 12 weeks. Elliott is the Man. Can you deny it? If you didn’t see and hear it tonight, you were probably watching America’s Top Model. A brilliant (as always) song selection [A Song For You] and breathtakingly stellar performance, which caused Paula to break down for the third time today (only this time it was on camera), and speed dial her pharmacist on her cell, on the air, before deferring to Simon, who appropriately genuflected in humilty to be in the presence of such Talent. Then they had to quickly cut to a commercial. At least that’s how I remember it. If Elliott gets booted this week, I will move to Iraq and never watch this show again in my life. Or, give up mushrooms.

Kellie Pickler - It’s official: even blind men know she is blonde. At this point I guess the B4 club [Blonde Bimbo Bumpkin Boosters] out there are feeling a little sorry for their girl tonight, having to follow two real singers -- or perhaps I should say for having to appear on a show with five real singers. Last week was Bewitched Bothered & Bewildered, and tonight we were treated to Droney, Dreary & Dreadful. The song choice was abysmal, and worse, smelled of Cowell-brown-nosism (this is supposedly his favorite song). This performance would have gotten any other contestant booted from the final 12, if it could have managed to keep anyone listening awake after 15 seconds in. And speaking of awake, it’s time for America to wake up and smell the kalla-mary: send Kellie-May home. And by the way, I have never liked that song.

Paris Bennett - I took some flack last week for not being as impressed with Princess P as the judges were. Tonight she took on The Way We Were, perhaps giving it more the Gladys Knight treatment than the Bah-Bra spin. I found myself in Randy’s camp (say it isn't so!!!) - check it out, check it out -- it was just OK, dawg -- for me. For me. Paris is still golden, but the performance was not one of her best. I hope she manages to stay another week.

Taylor Hicks - Is Taylor off his medication or something? Or was he off it for awhile and now he’s back on it? Did his goldfish die? He almost literally SLEPT through James Ingram's Just Once, until the big Money Notes came up, when his Soul Fairy Godmother stepped in and elbowed him (“Pump it up, T.H.! Now!). Then he went back to his nap. He’s not looking like he really wants this.

Chris Daughtry - Bocelli and Foster taught Chris the technique of singing while curled up in the fetal position on the floor. That was cool, but really, that's one of Taylor's old tricks. The mysterious A.I. powers-that-be wrongfully stuck CD in the bottom 2 (!) last week, after what I thought was one of his best performances. Tonight he was back with another sweetly delivered Daughtry-ized ballad, and this one seemed to make everybody happy! Gee whiz, I guess he’s going to be safe this week! Paula stood up and went into mini-hysterics; she was still a little damp from having kittens during Elliott’s number. This song reminded me of “God Didn’t Make The Little Green Apples,” which is probably what he should sing next week. No, I’m serious.

What? That’s all? Darn it -- I was just gettin' warmed up! I miss Ace already! How 'bout a little Queen encore?

Pardon me while I go to my room and do my Kat power-dial thing.

Surviving Seven Sing Standards; Stewart Supports

Rod The Mod,
in more glorious days



If you recognized Marilu Henner in the opening audience shot, you may very well also remember the early, more credible half of guest muse Rod Stewart's career in the 60s and 70s. Despite the former gravedigger's foray into more questionable musical subgenres in the 80s and 90s, it can still truly be said that he is a legend of rock 'n roll, and in the music business. A bout with thyroid cancer drove Stewart's more recent genre transition towards the not-so-rockin' [so-called] 'Great American Songbook,' a twist of fate that was ultimately a very lucrative one for him.
The Stewart-imposed theme proved to also be very good for most, if not all of the 'Top 7' tonight. And has anyone noticed — this may be the first show in Idol history on which Simon Cowell liked or praised nearly every performance [his only criticism of Kellie was that the song choice was boring].

And now, a Little Touch of Idol in The Night:

Chris Daughtry - I am nearly speechless. If tonight’s Great American Songbook theme ushered in by 'Rod the Mod' accomplished nothing else tonight, it can at least can credited for occasioning the best performance of the entire season by Christopher Daughtry. This was a revelation — not merely for its contrast to his stock-in-trade style, but for its simple perfection as a vocal performance. It was nuanced, heartfelt, in key, and even a bit moving. If Daughtry winds up winning the whole shooting match, I’ll feel a little bit better about it after hearing him sing What A Wonderful World tonight, and he was singing.

Paris Bennett - All 3 judges were wowed by Paris tonight; but oddly, for the first time in four weeks, I was not. These Foolish Things is a very nice song, but was a perfectly bad song selection for Paris. On one level, the performance was letter-perfect, but on another it was sterile and too carefully delivered, as if she were singing for a lip-reading hearing-impaired audience. If justice prevails, votes will be low this week.

Taylor Hicks - I find that Taylor is very consistent at being inconsistent. He can be maddeningly mediocre some nights, and other times can effortlessly pull magic (to use Simon’s word) out of a hat. Tonight was more like one of the latter. Sam Cooke's You Send Me is a sublime song, but not one I had high hopes for as a vocal showcase — but Taylor proved me wrong. The performance was uncharacteristically relaxed, and on the money — and was thankfully garnished by an upbeat and surprising Taylorhixter-ized finale.

Elliott Yamin - It’s tough to find new ways to say this: Elliott is a singer’s singer, and is a pure pleasure to listen to. No surprise that he delivered a spot-on version of It Had to Be You. El was relaxed, smiling, emoting, and just plain looking good, which makes Simon’s “no personality” comment very puzzling. Elliott is one of the best reasons to watch this show every week. He needs to stay, dammit.

Kellie Pickler - It’s no surprise that this entire genre, and Kellie’s selection of the fabulous song Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered would cause problems for Ms. Suds in a Bucket. I was going to give her credit for a certain vulnerable vocal quality that I could ultimately report saved her painfully unsteady performance, but she managed to mangle the song so badly by the end that I have nothing charitable left to say. In fact, I’m quite peeved that she charmed herself out of hot water before the judges, with the infamous KP “Shucks & Shazam” routine, getting off the hook with nothing more than a couple of compliments on her wardrobe. And that doesn’t strike me as fair. Fair, at minimum, would be Kellie in the bottom 3 this week. Dang right.

Ace Young - Instead of dwelling on the fact that he resembled a very tall used car-selling schoolmarm in drag, I'm really going to go out on a limb here. Another fantastic song selection was made on the show tonight with That’s All, which suited Ace’s chops to a tee, causing him to actually remind us that yes, he does indeed have a singing voice. Vocally, he actually reminded me of jazz singer Kenny Rankin, and I consider that to be a great compliment. Ace may be able to stay out of trouble this week, and deserves to, judged on tonight's performance.

Kat McPhee - So, you're watching (or more likely re-watching) this particular performance on tape, sometime after the show? Go ahead, sit back; pour yourself a beverage. Hit the mute button on the remote if you like. You know in your heart of hearts that it’s all golden, and, um, you are so correct. Just keep your eyes glued to that screen. Drink in those gratuitous extreme close-ups. Get a load of those “somebody that I’m longing to see” eyes. Lose yourself in those “I’m a little lamb lost in the woods” lips. Kat has the power to coax ridiculous levels of hyperbole out of Simon, who proclaimed her to be vastly superior to the rest of the bunch. On the other hand, sometimes the planets & stars align, and hyperbole and reality perfectly coincide. Welcome to American McPheever.
Er, Ryan’s back. You can un-mute the sound now.

Idol Pinch #8

Idols In Jeopardy

Are The Final 8 Ready For Freddie?

Ryan demonstrates his idea of constructive criticism

We may, we may not, rock you!
I was somewhat peeved that the show’s producers' penchant for theme shows has repeatedly taken American Idol to unhappy places, with tonight’s Queen theme a case in point. I have nothing categorically against the music of Queen; it just seemed an unneccessary trevail for all concerned. The good news is that it didn’t completely suck. There’s been much talk about who may or may not be drinking on the show lately — tonight, it was apparently the make-up artist. Ryan & Simon decided to keep a lid on the feud tonight [i.e. Seacrest can dish but he can't take it].


Let’s Get Queeny:

Bucky Covington - The Rockinghammer was granted the enviable show-opener slot, and surprisingly, had one of his better nights. Mind you, his Marshall Tucker-ized arrangement of Fat-Bottomed Girls was not a major vocal challenge, but Bucky woke up and mustered an actual stage performance this time around. If you’re a Bucky fan, holler “whoo-hoo!” If not, you at least have to admit that he might be around for another week.

Ace Young - Chest-scar-boy made the musical declaration “We Will Rock You,” a statement which [suspciously] is in the future tense. Perhaps he can make good on that someday, but first he must survive this week. I’m actually disappointed Ace didn’t make the obvious song selection - You’re My Best Friend, the sweetest, breathiest Queen song of all, which he therefore could have righteously nailed. Freddie Mercury might even have wanted to get behind Ace on that. Or on something. Well, at least Freddie might have had more of an appreciation for the incessant falsetto than the rest of us do.

Kellie Pickler - I’m going to have to part with our illustrious judges tonight, who were bewitched and enraptured by Miss Albemarle’s "bravery" in taking on Bohemian Rhapsody, as well as the by the flattering lighting and the Melissa McGhee-esque mascara work. I’ll give KP some credit for tackling the song as well as some sympathy for being made to sing Queen in the first place — but come on, that was off-key, weak, and pretty lackluster. I actually would have loved to have seen her really pull it off; but nope, she didn’t, even on paper. She is in desparate need of a country song, ya’ll.

Chris Daughtry - Chris is still not my cup of axle grease, though he is apparently America’s. But then, wasn't it America that elected George W. Bush, thereby initiating the Apocalypse? But I digress. Chris will probably be one of the last 3 contestants standing this season, so what I think doesn’t matter anyway. I was less familiar with this song than any of the others, but the vocal was very strong, the song choice was well-suited to his powerful voice, and I think this was basically a solid night for him. Okay, Daughtryites? Are you happy now?

Katharine McPhee - Katharine is a contestant that I have consistent faith in to deliver, week after week. And this show was no different — her vocal on Who Wants To Live Forever was stellar, but I do worry that she may be generally a bigger victim of tonight’s theme than the other contestants — a ballad in the middle of so much energetic rock, even if sung beautifully, may be a hard sell to tonight’s voters. But I suppose it’s enough for me that she was the unofficial namesake for tonight’s theme.

Elliott Yamin - The only singer tonight who didn’t merely survive the challenge of singing Freddie Mercury, he completely lived up to it. Elliott chose the difficult Somebody to Love and wailed on it with appropriate Mercury-esque passion and vocal mastery. If that weren’t good enough, El wrapped it all up with his personal funky touch. You gotta love it. And if you don’t, then just go to your room and vote for Ace or something.

Taylor Hicks - As with Chris D, the oddsmakers see Taylor hanging in this race for the long haul. Does he deserve to? Judged on actual vocal skill and versatility, perhaps not so much. But he has that ridiculously fearless quality on stage that sometimes just happens to work for him. Simon did not think so tonight. I think under the circumstances (this damned Queen theme), Hicks fared OK with Crazy Little Thing Called Love; it could have been worse. One man’s ridiculous is another man’s infectuous, I guess.

Paris Bennett - I think what impressed me the most about Princess P’s performance of The Show Must Go On was the sheer power of it. Surprisingly, she was not only not intimidated by the material, she downright owned it. Her 4th win in a row, in my book. She is an inspiration and testament to singing 16-year-olds everywhere.